


Alone in the Night

by Controller_of_Darkness



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Zuko is an insomniac, a lonely bean tries to get a good nights sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 11:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17642120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Controller_of_Darkness/pseuds/Controller_of_Darkness
Summary: It's been a couple years since Zuko has risen to power. He knew being the Fire Lord was gonna be taxing, but he didn't expect to be so alone. He also didn't expect to have the ghosts of his childhood still reigning over him. Or maybe he's just paranoid because of the assassination attempts? Either way he hasn't been sleeping.





	Alone in the Night

Zuko was alone. Truly alone. His sister was institutionalized, his uncle in Ba Sing Se, his mom was spirits know where, and his father. Well, we don't need to talk about the former Fire Lord. Not to mention that thing with Mai never worked out. The two of them were always at each other's throats. Sure, they cared about each other, but not in the way the other had needed. 

As far as "The Gaang", as they have come to call each other, is concerned they had to part ways to promote peace in the years following the end of the war. Which left Zuko here, alone running the Fire Nation. That is what he wanted, to restore honor to his nation. To reform his country, show them that war and violence isn't the answer. That peace and acceptance truly can change the world. 

That being said, running an entire country is a painstaking job. What with international relations being incredibly shot, to having to reform the entire school curriculum, to the New Ozai Society trying to assassinate him every other night. Zuko knew, even before his coronation that being the Fire Lord was going to be hard. He didn't think that it was going to be this lonely. He had thought at the very least he would have Mai by his side. Or maybe Sokka.

Normally he wouldn't indulge himself in thoughts like these. Normally he would have work to do, another thing, anything to keep his mind busy. Lo and Li had practically dragged him to bed themselves. All things considered, it was a pretty impressive feat. Those twins must be nearing their hundreds at this point. Plus, he had been up for a few days it felt like. Another reform too look over, another meeting with the council, another fretful night full of nightmares and wondering what could have been lurking in the shadows. Who could have been lurking in the shadows. 

So he thought back, back to the couple weeks he had spent with "The Gaang" before Sozin's Comet. He had come to befriend all of them in that time, Aang of course because of all the training that had taken place in that time. The raid on the Southern Raiders ship with Katara to help her overcome the anger burning inside her over her mother's death, and earning her forgiveness. Going to see The Boy in the Iceberg by the Ember Island Theater troupe. He still hasn't gotten over them  butchering Love Amongst the Dragons. 

Mostly he thinks back on Sokka. His thoughts on nights like these always go back to Sokka. He really was the first to accept him into their group, sans Toph whom really convinced the others to give him a shot. The balloon ride to the Boiling Rock Prison. Sure it had been pretty awkward at first, but they did have a couple good talks. The irony of it all... They ended up talking about their relationships, with Mai and Yue respectively, and they had broken his girlfriend Suki out of prison to boot. That was really the first time he had seen Sokka in a different light. He had looked so determined, so set in saving his father. The sarcastic glint in his cobalt eyes replaced with an unfaltering gaze. The stare he had come to know all too well. The same stare he had been on the opposite side of for a good portion of the year. It was eye opening too see it transfixed on someone else for a change.

He still vividly remembers trying to console the water tribe man at the prison. He had tried to be like his uncle, giving confusing and vague advice. Something about clouds and a silver sandwich. What was really astounding was how Sokka's eyes lit up, like the ocean at sunset, and the tightness in his own chest when when he had thought he had caused it. And the pit in his stomach when Sokka revealed it was Suki instead. 

He also vividly remembers when Suki had dumped him. Sokka had come to the Fire Nation, he was supposed to help restore Southern Water Tribe history to the school curriculum and help construct the Southern Water Tribe Embassy. Zuko had personally greeted him at the docks, even given him a ride in the royal palanquin, and not once did the darker skinned man make a joke. Not once did he call Zuko a jerk. It was pretty clear that Sokka had been in a bad mood. 

\------------

"Look Sokka, I know you probably miss your sister, and you're probably jealous that she gets to run around and still have adventures with Aang. But come on, the Fire Nation isn't that bad now, plus you're getting the royal treatment. It's everything you've ever wanted." Zuko tried to joke with him but he was only met with a sigh. 

"Sorry Zuko, uh Fire Lord, it's just. Uh, Suki and I broke up." Sokka looked past the thin fabric of the palanquin unable, or unwilling to make eye contact with the other man. 

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry Sokka. I know how you felt about her," the air in the palanquin had become so thick the scarred man didn't think Aang could even clear it, "and you don't have to keep up formalities Sokka. At least not when it's just the two of us." Zuko had hoped that the ability to drop titles would help Sokka feel a bit better.

The palanquin stopped in front of the palace steps, inside the courtyard, "So this is the palace, it's not like you haven't been here before. I'll have someone show you to the room you'll stay in and let you get settled before we get down to business."

Zuko stepped out of the vehicle holding the curtain open for Sokka. "Sorry I can't show you your room, I have another meeting to get to. But uh, welcome to the Fire Nation, uh yeah." Zuko turned on his heel and mentally kicked himself as he walked to his throne room. 

_Welcome to the Fire Nation, are you kidding yourself Zuko? Idiot. You have to think of a way to make up for this._  The Fire Lord had made it to his council room, and took his spot on his 'throne' and waited for the last of the council members to float in. Sure a couple of them were late, but did it really matter when Zuko's own head was elsewhere. He had barely paid attention as the geezers on the council had droned on and on. He had secretary Lee taking notes. He could just get those and go over them later. He's probably not going to be getting much sleep anyway, if he's being honest with himself.

After the meeting, Zuko made his way to Sokka's room. Rapping lightly on the door he called out, "Sokka? I wanted to see how you're settling in. See if you need anything." _Really Zuko? You sound like a clingy girl._

Zuko heard the mattress groan at supposed movement inside. The door opened and he was greeted with a sight he wasn't expecting, but wasn't unwelcomed. Sokka was stripped down to his underpants, hair messily strewn every which way instead of in the confines of his 'warrior's wolf tail'. He was still wearing his Water Tribe necklace, but it seemed like the only time he had taken it off was when he was in hiding. He did have one of the red silken robes draped over the shoulders, but that didn't really do much to change the fact that his nicely toned torso was on display for the whole palace to see. Zuko's mind began to wander. He wondered if that skin tone was natural to the people of the Southern Water Tribe, or if it was accumulated from his year of traveling with the avatar. He wondered how long he had to have trained to get a chest like that. He wondered what Sokka looked like when he did train, sweaty and-

"-th to Fire Lord. Zuko, hello?" Sokka was waving a hand in front of Zuko's face.

"Huh? Uh, Sorry that meeting I was at is still on the mind. It's hard to turn off being the Fire Lord. I see you have settled in nicely," Zuko gestured vaguely at Sokka and pinched the bridge of his nose. Focusing on his blooming headache was a welcome distraction from the half naked man in front of him.

Sokka looked down and quickly closed the robe, effectively covering himself, "Yeah, the beds here are really nice. Much better than a sleeping bag, or a hammock on a boat."

"That's good, I suppose. Uh, well, the royal chefs are going to have dinner ready at sunset. I don't typically have guests since Mai and I, so we can eat together if you want. Or you can take dinner in your room if you'd like to rest some more," he offered awkwardly. 

"Let's have dinner together, we can talk about the Embassy plans," Sokka agreed, and then let Zuko get back to his lordly duties.

The dinner had gone off without a hitch, surprisingly enough the New Ozai Society hadn't tried anything. The fact they could always talk about work was a plus. Not to mention they had the beautiful social lubricant of alcohol. 

Neither of them remembered how it happened, but the two of them had woken up in Zuko's chambers. Nearly naked. 

"So, uh," Sokka started.

"Yeah," was the Fire Lord's only response.

\----------

Zuko was ripped out of his thoughts as he heard some strange noises in the hallway. Standing up quietly he stalked toward the door of his room. He swung the door open with vigor and checked both sides of the hall before stepping out. 

"Who is out here? Face me yourself." 

A young girl steps out from around the corner, "I'm sorry Fire Lord Zuko. I was instructed by head maid Iza to dust the portraits. I didn't mean to disrupt your sleep."  The girl was bowing deeply, shaking slightly, as if she was afraid of what Zuko might do to her. 

"You know, waking the Fire Lord is a grave offence. Punishable by, bringing me a cup of tea. Please." 

She straightened herself before hurrying off to the kitchen to get him a cup of tea. Zuko retreated back into his room, flicking his wrists allowing flames to shoot out and light the few lanterns he had around the room. 

Now with unimpaired vision he checks the corners of his chambers confirming in fact, there was no one trying to kill him. _Tonight._ The girl came back in with a cup of tea and he dismissed her, letting her get back to her job.

Zuko, with his tea, sat down in bed. Holding the cup close to his face inhaling the scent of jasmine, the scent that he came to love, the scent that reminded him so much of his uncle.  The sweet scent calms his nerves, at the very least it helped him relax enough to close his eyes. His mind wandering back into the time Sokka had spent in the Fire Nation. 

The two of them had gotten pretty close. Zuko had shown him his favourite spots around the capital. They had spent quite the few afternoons at the pond feeding the turtle ducks, drunken dinners together resulting in the both of them waking up in the same bed the next day. Perhaps even a few conspicuous bruises the Fire Lord had excused as results of "sparring matches" when asked about them. 

It had been a nice couple of weeks with the Water Tribe man. Then, of course, Zuko's little fairy tale had to end. With the foundation of Republic City the nations needed someone to help found the council, and that person was Sokka. So the nights he had used to love so much, of sneaking kisses and beautiful dreams had gone back. Back to the nightmares, the flashbacks of his childhood, the anxiety, the paranoia that his father had somehow regained his firebending, that his sister had escaped her hospital, that the New Ozai Society was in fact hiding in wait to end his reign. 

He vaguely recalls telling Sokka all his worries in a drunken ramble. He remembers Sokka touching his face lightly telling him that no one in the world was stupid enough to take on the Fire Lord and a master swordsman while under the same roof. Somehow that had really helped keep the paranoia at bay.  

Now? Zuko just had to laugh at his own ignorance. Of course he and Sokka would have never worked. So much of his own nation hated him already, to find out that on top of being "the Traitor Prince" and "a disgrace to the great Fire Nation reputation" that he was also _gay._  His great-grandfather Sozin had ruined so much in the world. Thrown so much out of balance, on an international and domestic scale. 

Zuko remembered stares _burning_ into the back of his head as he and Sokka had sat by the pond, laughing as if nothing mattered. He remembered members of _his own staff_ mumbling slurs under their breath as he would walk by, hiding their disgust and disdain behind fake smiles. He remembers the council telling him he _needed_  to marry a woman and produce an heir; he also remembers their chiding ending after Sokka left.

And Zuko was paranoid to think someone, anyone on his staff could be a rat? Sometimes he thought that maybe his life would be easier if he had just fired the whole staff and replaced everyone. But, that's is something Azula or his father would do and he refused to be anything like the two. Anyway he supposed that anyone he would hire would still give him the same looks of disgust, still think of him as a traitor. 

Eventually the scarred man had fallen asleep, tea cup on the bedside table forgotten and cold. Unsurprisingly, full of nightmares. Memories of the verbal, _and literal_ , lashings he would get from his father.  One would think that the young prince only had one scar. _The scar._ The one that he had though stripped his honour from him. Oh how wrong they would be. 

\----------

Zuko was young, no older than six. He had been training with master swordsman, Piandao, but he hadn't started any sort of fire bending. He often would come home from training and show his mother the new form he had learned and would go on and on about the praise the master littered him with.  This day had been no different, except for the fact that his father had business to discuss with his mom. 

Zuko had ran into Ursa's room, bright-eyed and energetic, "Mom! Mom! Guess what Master Piandao told me today!" The child had stopped dead in his tracks his father, then Prince Ozai, was standing in front of her bed looking pretty peeved. 

"Not right now child. I have important things to discuss with your mother," his father waved his hand in a dismissive manner, expecting his ~~disappointment~~ son to get the message and leave the room. Zuko on the other hand only inched closer to his mother. Only when the child was at arms length did Ozai make his move. Swiftly grabbing his son by the bicep and ~~dragged~~ lead his son out of the room. 

The grip alone was forceful enough to bruise the poor noble child, only when they were a good few feet away from Ursa's room did the situation go from bad to worse. The older prince ran hot, as most firebenders tend to. That being said, Zuko knew he wasn't so hot as for his  sleeve to start.. smoking?

Soon enough the material of his sleeve was gone and he felt it. A burning sensation, nothing like when he had spilled warm tea on himself. No, this was more sinister. The longer his father dragged him towards his chambers, the more the feeling on his arm intensified. Soon enough he was twisting and turning trying to get out of his father's grip, only that caused his father's grip to tighten. Now short neatly trimmed nails bore into his flesh, through the burns causing Zuko to yell out pain. 

"Father! You're hurting me, please let go." Tears began to well in Zuko's eyes, and Ozai shoved Zuko into his room. Zuko couldn't tell what was more painful, the constant heat on his raw flesh, or the sudden lack thereof. 

"Consider this a warning Zuko, do not disobey me again. I am your father, you _will_ listen next time I give you any orders." With that his father turned and stormed out of his room, presumably to talk with Ursa. 

Zuko ran and hid behind his bed as he heard footsteps approaching his room. Crouched behind his large, fanciful, headboard tears flowed from his eyes as he cradled his arm afraid to touch it. The child screwed his eyes shut in pain, and a sob ripped through his small body.

_SLAM!_ Zuko's eyes shot open at the sudden crash, too see himself sitting at the dinner table. His father's burning glare fixated on him. 

"Zuko! How dare you lecture your sister on firebending?! Despite being a year younger, how many more forms has she mastered than you?" 

Zuko felt like his father had grown fifty feet, towering over him. His golden eyes wide in a mixture of fear and shock. All Zuko could do was force out a meek, 

"Fourteen," head bowed slightly avoiding the harsh stare of his father.

"When you were born, we weren't sure if you were a bender at all. You didn't have that _spark_ in your eyes. I planned to cast you from the palace. How embarrassing for a prince of the Fire Nation to have a _nonbender_ as his firstborn!"  Zuko's jaw dropped in realization as his father continued to berate him in front of his mother and sister.

"Lucky for you, your mother and the Fire Sages pleaded with me to give you a chance. Azula, on the other hand never needed that kind of luck. She was born _lucky_. You were lucky to be _born_."  Zuko could hear his sister snickering next to him, and his mother was yelling at his father but he couldn't make out the words before his father stalked out. His horrified stare was fixated on the ground.

Next time he raised his gaze, he was standing in the royal Agni Kai chambers. He was going to show that stupid general he was the Crowned Prince of the Fre Nation. He was going to defeat him and prove to his father he was worthy. He felt the banner slip from his shoulders as he stood, turning to face his opponent. 

Fear rose through his body, turning his blood to ice. His hair stood on end as his gaze settled on his father shirtless, with two gold bands around his biceps. He wasn't dueling the general, but his own father. The Fire Lord. Zuko dropped to his knees in front of his father, hands placed on the floor like his father had told him to do in front of Fire Lord Azulon. 

"Please father. I only had the Fire Nation's best interest at heart. I'm sorry I spoke out of turn." Zuko's voice wavered slightly with panic; he tried to make himself sound confidant, but it was hard when faced with the most intimidating person he had ever known towering above him.

"You will fight for your honour." Was Ozai's only response as he took a threatening step towards his son. 

Zuko bend over in a full bow, "I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son."

"Rise and fight Prince Zuko."

"I won't fight you." Zuko lowered his head again, he could feel the shadow his father cast over him. As well as the intimidation his father emitted. 

"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher." Zuko's head rose as he straightened his back. Hands still firmly planted on the ground, tears were streaming down his face. He looked his father in the face, a cruel smile adorned on his features. His father's fist reared back, the heat of his flames already hot on his skin before he felt a searing pain. The flesh around his left eye practically boiling as his own scream, echoed along the cheers of the onlookers.

\-----------

 

Zuko sat up gasping for breath. The majority of his lanterns have gone out, one remaining lit casting a eerie glow amongst his room. He rubbed his face, taking a few deep breaths trying to slow his racing heartbeat. 

"He is powerless. He can't do anything to me anymore," he chanted to himself like a mantra. Similar to when he had about Azula lying as a child. 

He rose on shaking legs to walk to his bathroom. Turning on the cold water he splashed it on his face, staring at himself in the mirror. It had almost felt like his old scar had been pulsing, throbbing, even though it has long since been healed. His body felt like it was on fire, old scars, remnants of Ozai's reign over him burning from the memories. His head hung low staring into the sink watching the water slowly drain. A trail of tears slowly found their way down his right cheek, dropping into the filled sink causing a ripples to spread through the water. 

_After all these years, seeing him powerless. Locked up in my prison and still, my torture doesn't end. How does he and Azula still have a hold over me?  How am I ever going to be strong enough to redeem the Fire Nation if I'm not even strong enough to get a good night's sleep?_ He wondered to himself, now slowly sliding against the wall opposite his mirror. He felt his hair sticking to his forehead, from sweat or washing his face he couldn't tell.

He held his head in his hands, knees pulled into his chest. Like he used to do all those years ago. _How will I take care of my people if I can't take care of myself?_  Zuko knew he was losing weight. Barely able to eat, barely able to sleep, running on fumes almost constantly. Sometimes he wished he could go back, back to when he was banished from the Fire Nation. When it was just him and his uncle, running a tea shop in Ba Sing Se. When the biggest thing he had to worry about was making sure his date didn't see him fire bend to light the lanterns.  

_Oh Zuzu, I knew you would crumble under the pressure._ He heard the taunting voice of his sister somewhere in the back of his mind. His grip on his hair began to tighten as her singsong voice continued to ridicule him in his mind. _Poor little Zuzu. You were always so weak._ His nails began to dig into his scalp welcoming the sharp pain as a distraction. 

He began to mumble, "Azula always lies." A mantra he had instilled in himself as a child. Soon he had his grip loosening, giving into the physical and mental exhaustion, falling into a dreamless sleep. 

Zuko groaned, sunlight waking him up on the floor of his bathroom. Slowly he stood, stretching his arms above his head. He lets out a moan in pleasure as his joints pop in relief after a night spent on the hard tile. He dropped his robe onto the floor and stepped into his shower. The icy water fell onto his skin, each droplet a tiny needle. After his shower he dressed himself in his daily robes, not one to be in full regalia daily, and stepped out to start his day.

The first person to enter his throne room was his secretary Lee. 

"Fire Lord Zuko, good morning. How did you sleep?" He had asked with a bow as he did everyday. 

"Oh, I slept fine. Just like every other night," was the Fire Lord's response with a smile. Secretary Lee began giving him his schedule for the day and the events that transpired the night previous were already fading from Zuko's mind. At least until he was alone in his chambers again.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, thanks for the read. I got crazy sick and watched Avatar like 3 times. Zuko feels ensued.


End file.
